So why have I, the woman who was marathon training and eating half marathons for breakfast, totally wussed out on pregnancy running? My body hates ALL OF THE THINGS when I am with child. I don't know why I thought this one would be any different. It has been a real struggle just to not get completely dehydrated this pregnancy (and I failed a few times). Oh the vomiting. I spent the first 3 months on our bathroom floor. Things started to look up at 14 weeks...for about 4 days, then it was back to kneeling at the porcelain throne. Here I am at 17 weeks, and while I can actually function now in between " puke attacks" sometimes, I have accepted the fact that I could very well join the ranks of women who deal with nausea and vomiting the entire pregnancy. I can get out of the house more at least, but unfortunately now when I get dehydrated, it sets off Braxton hicks contractions. Drinking water still makes me queasy, so there is this delicate balance I am struggling to keep. Running has definitely taken a back seat to just surviving. As horrible as it sounds, I cannot decide if I am more excited about having the baby and just HAVING A BABY or not having to throw up every day or two.
Not running has caused my body to freak out. For one, I have chicken legs again. Not happy about that one. On a less vain note, my heart palps have flared up super bad. My OB is sending me back to a cardiologist this week to wear a holter monitor to be on the safe side, but she thinks it's just collectively the whole extra blood volume in pregnancy + my poor body going from eating super healthy and runnig daily to not holding much down for 4 months and laying on the floor waiting to die thing.
I personally think I am suffering from a true broken heart from walking past my treadmill every day as it collects dust. It's like getting dumped and having your ex and his new chick make out in front of you, basically. I am a little annoyed at the inconvenience of fitting in yet another appointment this month, but I get that it is standard practice to check stuff like that out. This week I have been better about hydrating and keeping my stress levels down, and have only noticed a handful of them. That's a huge improvement. Of course every time I find myself throwing up again, my heart starts skipping and flopping around like crazy. Last night I was horribly ill and fighting to keep my dinner down. After dry heaving about an hour (I am stubborn and dinner was good), I went to bed early. My oldest woke me up coughing at 1 am. I went to get him some water and attempt to find the cough blend essential oils, but suddenly got hit with the nausea, broke out in a cold sweat, and was seeing stars. I dropped to my knees before I could faint and bust my head on something (because that would be my luck. At 1 am when everyone is asleep). I spent the rest of the night in agony so sick that I gagged every time I moved! And guess what? Heart started skipping like mad the whole night. So there has to be a connection there.
I try to joke about being sick all of the time, but truthfully it has been a battle mentally as much as physically. It has made me feel isolated and just plain bummed out. I cannot give my kids, husband, house, or anyone the 100% I am used to. No one understands but my husband and the few women I have encountered who have actually been through extreme morning sickness, or hyperemesis. People think they are helping by suggesting I consume crackers or ginger. If they knew how much ginger and crackers I have tossed, they would stop with the suggestions and just come fold a load of laundry for me. Or take my kids to soccer so I can vomit without traumatizing them. I kid, my children have gotten so used to it that they do not bat an eye when mom is tossing her cookies.
**I will say, if any woman in my life reading this ever deals with this themselves, please know that I will be there. Know that I will not suggest crackers or anything else, because I will know you have tried it all. There is nothing YOU can do because this cannot be prevented. Instead, I will bring you food that you don't have to smell cooking. You may not be able to eat it, but you at least won't stress about your kids eating corn dogs every night because you cannot get up off the couch to cook. I will clean your kitchen. I will make sure your cat is not eating out of the trash. I will get rid of that weird smell coming from the laundry room that only you can smell. I will not judge you because your house looks like a frat house. On steroids. I will do what most people think to do AFTER baby, because that is the norm, but for us, nothing is normal, nothing is routine. I will never once assume you aren't grateful for your growing baby just because you complain about being sick. I will know that deep down you worry your body is failing you both and there is nothing you can do about it. I read this awesome blog post from a woman whose sick was exactly like mine. She made a valid point that some women have it worse. There will always be a worse case, but that we should support each other in each case. She, like me, would have enough hours in between to hydrate just enough to keep herself out of the hospital. She even admitted, like I have, that she should have gone in for help a few times, but with kids at home it was just too much to do anything but lay there sipping water and praying it would pass. She, like me, would hear about it stopping for some women at certain points. I eagerly awaited 14 weeks, 16 weeks. Still sick. Now I have a new milestone, 21 weeks. Because I read randomly it stops for some women then. All I can do is hope, but know it could last the whole time. I just feel the need to put this out there, because I better not find out any of my mommy friends are suffering alone. I get it. I will be there.
I will say that in connecting online with other moms, most of them all said that the relief after birth was immediate and amazing. They got to enjoy food after 9 long months, that even hospital food was amazing. I love food, and I love running. I can't do much with either right now, but I do know it will be worth it in the end when I have a healthy baby in my arms. I did read that the sicker your are, the higher your kid's IQ, so I fully expect this kid to cure something major. No pressure.
-teacup runner
