To the tired new parents in target, I know that sound. I heard "you" from several isles over. Your sweet baby boy was crying with all he had (which is a lot, despite their tiny size. Babies are LOUD). I didn't cringe, I didn't retreat. I stood in the toddler girl section sighing and remembering when I had a tiny baby that shook the walls with those same cries. I didn't remember those times with stress or relief it was over, but with a smile. That shrieking brought back memories of tiny cloth diapered butts, newborn baby smell, and mastering the art of swaddling. It is true what they say. We really were designed to remember more the good than the hard parts!
To the tired mama bouncing her shrill baby boy, I have been there. 3 times over. You and your husband are dressed in your Sunday best. You probably didn't get through the whole church service. You may have taken turns walking out and bouncing around trying to comfort him.
To the tired daddy using the shopping cart to hold yourself upright, I know you don't want to be in target right now. You want to sit at home on your couch and enjoy the last few hours before you are back at work. No, scratch that, before you are up at night changing diapers or helping feed your baby boy. Maybe comforting your wife because the baby just will not latch on right. THEN you go to work and work a full day, dead on your feet. Please understand that your wife just wanted out of the house. A trip to the store as a family for a change of scenery. It seemed like a good idea at the time when he was peacefully sleeping in the car. We always think they will stay asleep in the seat when we move it. They never do.
To the tired parents, I hear you arguing. Fake public smiles plastered on your exhausted faces while you snap at each other under your breath. All the while baby boy is wailing an opera of epic proportions. You glance at me apologetically, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes, and my heart aches. I give you a warm smile and say I have been there. I hope it doesn't come across know-it-all. I just don't want you to think you are bothering my shopping. You see, one of the cool powers that come along with being a mother is immunity. Eventually those screams don't effect you the same. Your breasts will not always leak everything a baby is melting down. You won't always feel panic.
Am I getting better at this, or have I lowered the bar a little? Does it matter?
Tired dad tells you "I told you so." My husband has said the same thing. Baby was asleep, but you thought you could all slip in and browse without him waking. He doesn't mean it the way it sounds. I am here to tell you, he would have woken up wailing anywhere. I know that cry, and I know what it means to have a colicky baby. At least at target you can swing by the chocolate isle and grab a bag of truffles on your way out. You will want them later, trust me. You have probably been bouncing, swinging, running the dryer, hair dryer, or any other white noise source you can find since you came home from the hospital. I once ran a hair dryer for an hour straight in one hand, baby in the other, swaying back and forth because it worked.
Am I getting better at this, or have I lowered the bar a little? Does it matter?
Tired dad tells you "I told you so." My husband has said the same thing. Baby was asleep, but you thought you could all slip in and browse without him waking. He doesn't mean it the way it sounds. I am here to tell you, he would have woken up wailing anywhere. I know that cry, and I know what it means to have a colicky baby. At least at target you can swing by the chocolate isle and grab a bag of truffles on your way out. You will want them later, trust me. You have probably been bouncing, swinging, running the dryer, hair dryer, or any other white noise source you can find since you came home from the hospital. I once ran a hair dryer for an hour straight in one hand, baby in the other, swaying back and forth because it worked.
Finally your husband says he is taking the baby out. I feel bad, because I can tell you both are worried about bothering other shoppers despite the fact that the store was nearly empty. I am here to tell you that anyone who has ever raised a child would feel nothing but camaraderie for you. You may be bothering a few childless (or not), but so what. It isn't your job to coddle and enable grown adults who can't deal with life happening around them. You look at me with tears escaping now, and with a shaky voice you say your husband has high blood pressure. I tell you my husband doesn't, and he still gets irritable in stores with kids. It's a dad thing. You don't have to be explain yourself to me. Solidarity, sister.
I wanted to point out that shrill toddler shriek I had just heard from on the other end of the store and tell you it was my daughter, who is almost 3 and thinks naps are for losers. I wanted to tell you that sometimes when we shop as a family, I suggest we "split up" to be more efficient with the grocery list, and then I go browse the clearance section in peace. I wanted to tell you my husband does it too. That eventually you get a system and an understanding between the two of you. Parenting is hard. It is hard from the day they come home and it doesn't stop, but you get better at it.
To the tired parents in target, I prayed hard for you that day. I prayed no one would make you feel like your baby's cries were a burden. I prayed you would get some sleep, all 3 of you. We have been you, and we are in your corner!
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 NIV)
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